Backpackig solo through Central and South America. I changed careers, and entered the aid sector, finding myself in places like Pakistan, Afghanistan and the Middle East. Each career change, each new direction, each adventure was another way of moving before anyone could pin me down, before I had to commit to being someone specific. I never quite letting myself land. I was fascinated by personal development — always searching, always asking others for advice, hoping they could give me the answers I was afraid to find on my own. I craved clarity but resisted commitment.

The search for adventure continued to pull me forward. Eventually, I sold my apartment in the Netherlands and moved to Italy, initially planning to buy a house in the North and start a bed and breakfast. It seemed like a logical next step, another adventure, and another way to avoid looking into who I really was. But when I arrived in Northern Italy, something felt wrong. Despite the beauty, despite the plan, I didn't feel at home.

Fastforward, I found myself in the earthy region of the Maremma, in southern Tuscany. By "accident", I discovered a coaching programme, another one, but I somehow knew—not with my head, but with my entire being—that this was what I had to do. Not necessarily to become a coach, (as I didn't know if I wanted to be a coach....) but to face the real work of understanding myself and dismantling the barriers I had built.

And in this programme is where I learned that my "I don't know" had never been about not knowing. It was a sophisticated way of avoiding choice and the vulnerability that comes with it. If I never chose, I could never choose wrong and fail. If I never committed to a path, no one could judge my destination. If I never claimed to know who I was, I couldn't be rejected for being that person.

I finally understood; all the answers are within and I did know what I wanted. The very thing I had been seeking—is helping others navigate their moments of not knowing, creating safe spaces for people to listen to their inner voices—. And being the guide for others, that I had been searching for myself.